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Wednesday, October 15th, 2003
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1:11 pm - May 14, 1981 - Barty's Reaction
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A Carmelite nunnery? I thought she was over that superstitious nonsense. And if she weren't, I'd rather thought the Fawcetts were strict CofE. In retrospect, the advisability of marrying a Muggleborn instead of some proper witch seems doubtful.... Still, she is Isabel. Allowances must be made. As long as religion doesn't become a habit. I have nightmarish visions of her praying for my salvation.
Isabel is taking a week's vacation on my orders. She's really been under a good deal of stress recently, and needs to relax. She wanted me to come along, of course, but I'm far too busy at the moment. She asked me to make her apologies to all of you who were planning to see her this week.
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| Saturday, October 11th, 2003
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11:36 am - May 11, 1981 - Very Private Thoughts
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I will not go to Eleanor tonight. Some control is needed here. Control over both her and myself. I cannot let myself become a slave to the lower passions, even if I frequently indulge in them. This is my compromise. Or one of them. There are a few I've made, judging what is adequate. Never what is ideal.
There is one ideal in my life, and I've been unfaithful to her. Still, when I'm with her, I am the man she sees me as, who, I believe, is a good deal better than I am. Perhaps the time will come when I really can be him, holding her in my arms and feeling no guilt.
Let me pretend that time is tonight.
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